man, it's 3:21am and i can't sleep. i'm so nervous about a phone interview for a job that i probably won't get because it's more of a job for someone with many many years of experience, not an entry level person like me. this will be the first interview. and if i even pass this, there's still a 2nd interview. and their both technical interviews. i was told the subjects that they were going to be on. it's not a personality inteview or hypertheorical interview where they ask me what i would do in what situation. this is an accessment interview to see what i really know. and sadly to say, i didn't learn enough of it in school and have been doing self study and i am only 1000/1400 pages along. and it's will probably be the biggest change of my life so far if by some miracle i get it. and i'm not exaggerating when i say it would be the biggest change i will experience thus far. that's why, here i am, unable to sleep, and thinking of my past, my present, and my possible future. things from girls to family to money to car and christmas to apartment to buying to selling to moving to losing to gaining to changing to flying to promises to confiding to befriending to defriending to hiding to finding to myself to alone to with someone to typing to chatting to calling to disappering. drastic. a lot of optoins are coming up these last 2 weeks.
i actually pulled out my retirement fund. the old job didn't make me pay social security, instead they took the money and stuff in a low interest city fund that i can take when i retire or leave the city. it earned 1 penny a month. after about 7 years, i had a little less than 1 thousand which i took out and it lasted me about 2.5 months. the cans i sold today got me $23.35. and some of the bottles dripped through the bag and now my trunk smells like beer. still a few more bags to take. i think i'm going to go to the manual feed ones so that i can get my full nicker or dime. the one i went to today weighted it, and i always feel like i'm getting cheated there. i got my brother to shaved my head so i save money from getting a haircut. my friend hooked me up with a interview for a cashier's job at sears. it's not my dream job, but i still want it, because i can't get a computer science job right now, and i already borrowed almost $2k from people. i still got my car payments to make, my internet bills to pay, my cell phone to pay, and the credit cards bills i accumilated through the years from school. and with my luck, the 0% apr on the laptop went off in same month i left the job. that laptop i'm on...i got it because i gave my 8month old laptop to a girl. a girl that needed a laptop and i gave it to her because i wanted to help her. i wanted to get her an old one from good will but they charged like $400 from a piece of junk, so i decided to give her mine and used that excuse to get a 0% apr one. all the stuff i did to get in this trouble hole that i'm in, and yet, no regret. helping others when we can, and when we can't, atleast i know i would if i could, and i truly can't not. but when i could, i did.
when i'm down on my luck like right now, the people that are still around and try to help me....those people are cool. the ones that treat me out, the ones that make calls to see if i can get a job there, the ones that loan me the cash....those ones. some of them even suprise me in how much effort they put into helping me look for a job. and the others, aren't a surpise. and then most just don't help. oh wells, i know who's not getting a vday card next year, haha. maybe i'll get this cashier's job, then i can continue paying my bills before it hurts my credit and start paying people back. still have 2 months left before i reconsider the army.
being unemployed since the end of the year. and getting my engineer degree, without an internship experience, trying to get a job in a time when many are getting laid off, is very difficult. things i'm doing to survive and save money -apply for jobs, worst that happens is you don't get it. and if you do get it, great. -don't go out. well that's not entirely true, i can still go out, just other people usually have to drive, or i carpool, and they are nice enough about my situation and treat me. or we save money by stay in and watching a dvd or playing a game. -canceled my hospital insurance. it's bad enough i haven't had medical insurance in the last 4 years, and haven't been able to go to a dentist because of that, but i did get hospital insurance for $18 a month that would help me if i was hospitalized. i figure i take my chances, because it's been 7 months without a job, and i can't afford to pay that $18 anymore. -avoid hair cuts until i have an interview. who do i have to look good for right? no money = no girl, so no need to dress up unless it's for a job -i get free drycleaning so i don't have to worry about getting the suit clean for my interviews. -recycling my cans and bottles. my trunk and backseat is full of cans, bottles and plastics right now preparing to get some change for them tomorrow. hoping to get like 40 to sixty bucks for them -noodle bags. it's boring, it's unhealthy, but it's free. -borrowing money for whoever is willing to lend it to me. -completely cut off online shopping. -sold as many old textbooks as i can. got like 40 bucks form a bunch of old books. so many bugs in them.
what things are you people doing to ride out this economic turn out?
imma just copy and paste a blog entry from someone's myspace and my reply to it from over 2 years ago. don't mind the typos. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Excerpt by ******
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Warning: The following contents are subject to change due to the different types of women out there.
To become a good boyfriend, one must know what a girl wants. First,
be a gentleman. It is the guy's duty to open the door for the girl when
they are entering the mall and pull out the seat for the girl when it
is a dinner date. The guy should probably drive and pick up the girl as
courtesy. I always appreciate it when the guy come and pick me up for
the date. I mean, what kind of guy would let a girl drive him around
the city? On top of that, do not be late on dates. I have the worst
date experience with the guy being late for over an hour, leaving me
standing near the bus stop on a windy day like an idiot. That is not
all. He did the most unforgivable thing in the whole wide world – being
late without an apology. Girls are not supposed to wait. Remember that.
Second, girls like it when guys care. So be jealous, but
not overly possessive. It will be troublesome if the guy does not feel
jealousy at all, as girls might interpret it as "I don't love you
anymore." I remembered that three weeks before my high school prom, my
ex-boyfriend would never call me, nor did he care about who is the guy
named Rich that called me. Despite of the fact that he does not care
about anything, we still went to prom as promised. I wore a low-cut
teal BCBG dress, and then he stared at me. "Your bra is showing." I
gave him the stare. "Why are you looking at my BRA?" I asked and I
fixed my bra. "What? You want me to not tell you? And let everyone see
your bra showing? Then fine! I don't care anymore." "Well you never
care to begin with!" "Well, I do!" He wrapped his arm around me, and
gave me a hug. I was shock, as I really thought that he does not care.
Sometimes it is okay to show a bit of jealousy, just to tell the girl
that she is important. Loving her is not enough; showing the love is
the key.
Third, girls like a guy who is sweet and
romantic. This is a BIG one. Guys would not believe so, but the
littlest thing can make a girl feel happy for the whole day. Long ago,
I always dine out with my ex-boyfriend, and he would always wait for me
to eat, but he would not say that he is waiting for me. He would just
be like a retard and add random things into his food, or play around
with it. Then when my food finally came, he would starts munching it up
like there is no tomorrow. When he waits for my meal to come, just so
he could eat at the same time with me, I think that is sweet. This is
not the only thing that is considered "sweet and romantic." Things like
driving an hour just to see each other (if it is long distance),
waiting for her to get off work, or buying her food when she said she
is hungry at one in the morning, will bring a smile to her face. It
does not have to be a fancy candlelight dinner with a dozen of roses.
Be creative.
Of course, there are many other qualities
that a girl wants in a man, but what a girl wants is simple. She is not
asking for the most good-looking guy to be her husband, nor is she
asking for a rich man that can provide her with an unlimited amount of
shopping spree. The guy might not open the door for her, or pull the
chair out for her, or drive her around the city; the guy might be the
unforgivable person who is always late on a date; the guy might not
call her as much as she does; the guy might not even do all those sweet
little things that make a girl giggles. All she really asks for is a
guy who sincerely loves her with all his heart and soul. That is all.
1:39 AM
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Excerpt by Rich
What a guy wants.
Easy things to remember to be a good gf.
1. Calling is fine and all, but don't spam us. You're important and all, but we got studies to handle and work in the morning.
2.
If you think we don't have time for you, then think about why we
don't. We have a job so we can pay for nice things for you, and take
you out to dinner and buy you flowers. We have school so we can get a
degree so we can make 6 digits so we can buy you that dream house
you've always wanted and pay for all those expensive credit card bills
you have. And oh yeah, we also need money because us guys have this
nasty habit that we need to do: eat. We don't mind driving you around
(gas), and taking you out to dinner and all, but you gotta remind,
those things cost $$$, so if we have a little less time for you because
of a job and school, then that's why. If you learn to cook and bring
over the food while we're studying, then we wouldn't cost as much money
and time on driving and taking you out, therefor, we work less,
therefor = more time for you. But if you don't wanna learn how to
cook.... then....don't complain if WE don't have all the time in the
world for you.
3. We don't like to be compared to other guys.
You don't like it when we look at other girls, then why would you think
we like it when YOU do. Don't make us feel bad if we have keg while
you're oogling at the guys from "300." I mean, do we compare your
boobs to the ones we see on tv? If your friend's bf did something
sweet and stuff for her, then that's great for him and her. Do you
have to constantly remind us of it? If you think he's so sweet, why
don't you go ahead and be with him then. Speaking of which, when was
the last time you girls did something sweet for us? You know, making
us a lunch suprise isn't such a bad idea you know.
4. Decide
what you want. Do you want equal rights or do you want us to be a
"lady&gentleman" couple? If you want equal rights, then you can
open your own doors and pay for your own dinner and drive half the
time. If you want lady&gentleman, then some things will have to be
unfair. Things like we don't call you as much as you call us. Or we
don't write you a million sweet little notes. Or we don't do what
so&so's bf did. Pick one for another.
5. Not every guy can be as sweet and considerate as Rich =) so appreciate what you have.
6.
Learn to cook. First, it saves money instead of eating out. Two, food
MAKES us happy. Therefor, if you MAKE food, you MAKE us happy, get
it? PS: fried rice, egg, and noodles does doesn't constitute as
cooking if that's all you can do.
7. Your birthday,
valentine's, christmas, aniversary. That's 4 things in a year. Buying
gifts is hard enough for anybody. Can you imagine if we have to be
sweet and cute and considerate so many times? Unless we can repeat the
same gifts, each year it gets harder and harder. You have a hard
enough time coming up with 1 gift and we have to do that 4 times a
year? So if we forget... forgive us. If the gift isn't to your
liking, then lie and forgive us. You can't expect us to to be perfect
with all gifts all the time. I mean, do we expect you to be beautiful
24/7? I mean have you seen yourself in the morning? haha j/k. You
might not think you're beautiful in the morning, but we do. We see
past all the faults and see what a beautiful person you are. If we can
do that, then why do you girls have to nit pick at us if we forget 1
special day for you? How you ever thought, maybe to us, every day with
you is already a special day?
8. It's great that you have your
own friends. We also have our own friends too. Let us have our time
with our boys and you can have your time with your girls. Please, be
nice to our friends, but don't be too chummy chummy with them. We want
our friends to be OUR friends.
9. Be kind. Your "lady time"
last 1/4 of the month. We'll try to be extra senitive to you and all,
but just because we're being extra nice doesn't mean you get to be
extra mean. So go take so yoga or taosim classes or something and have
that anger management under control.
10. to be continue.
Posted by Rich on Sunday, April 08, 2007 - 11:41 PM
i wanna cry............!!!!! if i had some boobs, then i might be able to get a job. right now i got nothing. and i'll punch anybody in the face that says i haven't been trying for the last 6 months. over 100 positions, about 110. i have the cover letters and i even made an excel sheet to get track of the ones i applied to. i applied to about 4 temp agencies. those things are full of liberal arts. argh, my arch nemesis. they are just looking for money by being middle men and take a cut of our work, but they're too lazy to even do it right. all they do is call companies, day after day and ask "hey, do you need people?" and then if they want people, they would have to go through those agencies. it's bad enough i have to compete with other applicants, but now these temp agencies are trying to get a piece of pie that everybody is actually trying to get. they're like ticket scalpers. and i have to check my email all the time. very few rejection letters, most peole are just don't even bother replying. and some... are scams and phishing emails. so far, i haven't fell for any of those yet... i hope not. i've been looking most in socal. then i spread to norcal, mostly san jose. i've even tried wisconsin and virginia (washington dc area). i've tried jobs from programmer, engineer, web designer, pc technician, and all the way to even office assistant.
california is doing cut backs all over the place and won't hire anybody. and trying to get out of state is hard too, becauase none of them want to risk and waste money interviewing outta state people.
and it's frustrating. if i dind't have credit card bills that i racked up while in college (not for school, for fun) i wouldn't have to be so worried right now, along with the necessary like cellphone and internet as part of the job applicaiton process. haircuts for interviews...parking for interviews...printing resumes for job fairs....all those cost money. lucky i got a suit fromt he wedding and i get free dry cleaning for the interviews. and cut backs on everything. no more going out as much as i want to. i get to go out only when someone offers to pay for movie or dinner fo rme. it's sad. i'm a bum. i know. but people are cool when taking care of me.
right now, in the meantime, i'm reading a C# programming book i borrowed. the book is awesome. i learned more form the book then i did in school. but i'm barely over half the book. it's 1500 pages. no exaggeration.
been thinking so much about jobs that i don't evne have time to think about girls. now that's sad.
